hello. hows life. tears flowed, hearts broke. please be okay. what more can i do. tell me, and i will do it. its not fair. efforts put in came to nought. whats the point. they said: its not worth it, what for? but we still have to do it. do you know how difficult it is? how painful it is? to know how they feel, to understand them. it takes time. commitment. hours, days, months of preparation. then what? nothing? how can i face them. how do i tell them? what else can i do. to be indifferent to it. it didnt work. it hurt, a lot. some looked fine; some were really devastated. its not reassuring at all. then what. whats the next step. to carry on? it seems so. they picked themselves up, one by one. the wound is still fresh, you can still feel the throbbing pain. to lose control. it came one after another. then its back to square one again, just like two years ago. you may not hear it, you may not see it, and you most certainly will not feel it. what you see is just pretense. do you understand? its not easy to open up, to express my thoughts. please, dont. its not like that. and it will never be. but whats done is done, we cant change the facts. you see their faces; anger, sadness, disappointment. full of vengence, hatred, indignance. you feel helpless. hanging by the thread. you cannot do anything to resolve it. let them be, let them be. and it will all end soon. but i dont want it to end like that. happy times, sweet memories. but inside lurks suspicion, doubt. what about the trust, the faith, the hope. smashed into a tiny million pieces. its not the first time already. again and again and again. do we deserve to suffer this fate? what wrong did we do. i dont know what to do anymore.

i dont want it to happen. but it will, right gin? its a matter of time, of how. it will be even more painful than anything else. we have to go through it. together, i hope. what will happen on that day? i hope it will be a happy ending.