ah okay.i remembered.haha.okay i thought of this yesterday:

i am going to tell you (whoever you are who is reading this now) about me. being onesixth of the ZL, duh, we blog about ZL things, therefore im blogging about myself. if you are disgusted now, please just kindly click the 'x' at the top right hand corner of this window.

actually, what you see me as now may be the real me or the fake me. most of the time, i put on this mask and i hide behind the zhao ming-which-everyone-hates' character. why? because from secondary 1, i have been building this wall of 'protection' around me. i stopped trusting people that easily. i am more enclosed in my own space and i am very unfriendly. i am very wary of others around me and if somebody suddenly becomes very nice to me, i will start thinking about what kind of evil intentions he/she have. and i am very mean to others. i think it is fun to discriminate people and to tease them. and if i don't like you, no matter what you do, i still won't be nice to you. and even you have a great character and everyone likes you, i still won't change my mind. i am very selfish, i am inconsiderate, i am a bitch towards people i hate. my remarks can make people cry. if i don't want to talk to you, i will be very cold towards you no matter how much you attempt to keep the conversation going. i also won't care what you think; i want it means i will get it. i am bossy and i will not accept any other suggestions and i will insist that i do it my way. i will get rid of those who pose as a threat to me.

however at times, i may display the real me. let's just say i was the real me before primary 6. i am very friendly in my real me state. when i am in a place whereby i don't know anyone, i will pick someone with a friendly face and talk to him/her. i will auto-introduce myself and start to ask the other party about himself/herself. i am very unassuming. i trust people easily; whatever they(those whom i know) say, i will believe if it makes sense. i am also very obedient. i don't usually break rules but sometimes i simply don't care. i am also very conscious of how others feel at that moment and will try my best to make them feel at ease; make them relax and enjoy. i will also try to talk to those whom i think are being 'ousted' from the group. i am very caring towards others. i put others before myself. if anyone has a problem, i will try my best to help. and, i don't jeer/discriminate/tease/play pranks on others. i will always try my best to cheer up those who are down around me even though i, myself is not exactly in the best of moods (grammar error?). when i see someone in the streets singing/playing an instrument/selling tissues, i will give them money/buy from them. i will start to think how are they coping and whether they have a family/home to return to. i will start to think whether any organisation is helping them. i want to take charge of things and be responsible for anything that happens and am very open to other ideas. i like others to express themselves freely in front of me. i like to get everyone motivated and becoming successful in anything that they attempt at.

also, the online me is sometimes different from the real life me; i may be in my real me state when im online or not. also, sometimes i may be saying the truth or just stating a fake statement; its up to you to figure it out. how i treat you may be genuine or i'm behaving that way becuase of other reasons. sometimes i lie and you all still bought that lie. i may be lying to you or not. what i did may be truly what i want to do or not. sometimes i may use people, or not.

so now, after going through so much, after experiencing all that, after realising and understanding so many things, everything may just change; who knows?

sometimes, i may be the real me, or not. and what i wrote here about the real me and the fake me may be a lie, or not; you have to figure it out yourself. sometimes i just try so hard to tell you guys that it is true and do you all listen?

no.

but these will never change; don't ever :
1) betray my trust in you
2) break any promise you made to me
3) betray me

i will never forgive you.


for the record, msn is being a pain in the ass again.